مَرِضْتُ فَلَمْ يَكُنْ فِي الْأَرْضِ حُرٌّ
يُشَرِّفُنِي بِبِرٍّ أَوْ سَلَامِ
وَضَنُّوا بِالْعِيَادَةِ وَهِيَ أَجْرٌ
كَأَنَّ عِيَادَتِي بَذْلُ الطَّعَامِ
“I fell ill, yet there was no noble soul to honour me with kindness or even a greeting.
Such was their miserliness that they could not spare even a visit, though it carried reward for them — as if they were being asked to part with their own food!"
— Jaḥẓah al-Barmakī (d. 324 AH)
How remarkable that words written more than a thousand years ago should so accurately describe the condition of so many hearts in this zamana!
The poet exposes a peculiar form of miserliness: not the withholding of wealth, but the withholding of something that costs nothing — a greeting, an enquiry, a simple visit to the sick person.
What extraordinary poverty of character, when a person has nothing to lose by showing compassion, yet still finds himself too miserly to offer it!
When Pride Becomes Greater Than Compassion
There are those who become so consumed by resentment and family politics that even ordinary human decency appears to them as a concession.
To greet becomes a form surrender. To enquire becomes a form of weakness. To show kindness becomes an admission of defeat.
And so, to preserve their imagined superiority, they withhold even the simplest expressions of concern.
How strange that a man should triumph over his own compassion, and imagine himself stronger for it!
More concerning still is when this condition manifests itself amongst close family members.
A sister may fall seriously ill, undergo a serious operation and endure pain and uncertainty, while a brother, fully aware of her condition, cannot bring himself even to visit or personally enquire after her well-being, in spite of living minutes away
Not because such an enquiry demands some giving up of wealth or sacrifice of time, but because resentment and pride has been permitted to overshadow the bonds of blood.
The Rights of Kinship Are Not Personal Favours
Rasulullah ﷺ said:
وَإِذَا مَرِضَ فَعُدْهُ
“And when he falls ill, visit him.”
— Sahih Muslim, 2162
This was mentioned amongst the rights of one Muslim over another.
And when the sick person is a close relative, the additional obligations of maintaining family ties must be considered.
The fulfilment of these duties is not an act of submission to another human being, nor is it a favour for which gratitude must be begged.
It is an act of obedience to Allah ﷻ
Personal grievances do not automatically dissolve the bonds of kinship, nor does resentment confer the right to disregard them.
One of the ulamaa of the past, explaining the rights of visiting the sick, makes a particularly important observation:
وَلَكِنْ كُلَّمَا كَانَتِ الصِّلَةُ أَقْوَى كَانَتِ الْعِيَادَةُ أَشَدَّ إِلْحَاحًا وَطَلَبًا
“The stronger the relationship, the more emphatically visiting the sick is called for.”
He further explains:
وَمِنَ الْمَعْلُومِ أَنَّهُ إِذَا مَرِضَ أَخُوكَ الشَّقِيقُ فَلَيْسَ كَمَرَضِ ابْنِ عَمِّكَ الْبَعِيدِ
“It is well known that the illness of your full brother is not like the illness of a distant cousin.”
The principle is unmistakable. The closer the bond of kinship, the greater the responsibility to demonstrate concern and compassion.
If visiting an unrelated Muslim is an act of virtue, how much more deserving of one's attention is a parent, a brother, a sister, an aunt or an uncle?
Who Is Truly Deprived?
In the Hadith Qudsi, Allah Ta‘ala will say on the Day of Qiyamah:
يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ مَرِضْتُ فَلَمْ تَعُدْنِي
“O son of Adam, I was sick, but you did not visit Me.”
When the servant asks how he could have visited Allah, the Lord of the worlds, Allah will remind him that one of His servants had been ill, and that had he visited him, he would have found Allah's special nearness with him.
— Sahih Muslim, 2569
Consider carefully who is being questioned.
It is not the sick person who must account for having received no visitors. It is the one who neglected the opportunity.
The sick person is not diminished in dignity by another's absence. The one who deliberately neglects an opportunity for goodness, is the one who stands to lose its reward.
Some imagine in their delusionary state that withholding their presence is a type of punishment they are meting out, that denying a greeting and a visit establishes their superiority, or that their attention is a privilege for which others must plead.
What profound arrogance and delusion!
The performance of a duty ordained by Allah ﷻ is not a favour, and the neglect of this duty is not a demonstration of power.
The Poverty That Wealth Cannot Conceal
A telephone call, a message or a simple enquiry may also suffice.
Yet, when even these are deliberately withheld out of pride or spite, the matter ceases to be merely one of social etiquette. It becomes a reflection of their true character, in spite of all their empty words of care and affection
And so we return to the poet's devastating observation:
وَضَنُّوا بِالْعِيَادَةِ وَهِيَ أَجْرٌ
كَأَنَّ عِيَادَتِي بَذْلُ الطَّعَامِ
“They were too miserly to even visit, while in fact it carried reward for them — as if visiting me required them to give away from their food!”
The tragedy is not that the sick were deprived of the presence of some individual.
The tragedy is that a person could become so miserly in spirit, that even an opportunity for reward is treated as them giving up something...
The truly poor person is not the one who receives no visitor when sick, but the one whose heart has become too miserly to make the visit
May Allah Ta‘ala protect us from pride masquerading as principle, resentment masquerading as dignity, and the terrible poverty of a miserly heart that arrogantly considers compassion for a sick relative too expensive for them, even when it costs nothing. Aameen
